Reclaim Your Quiet Time
The key to Mindful, Intentional Living
In today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world, we’re often pulled in countless directions. Between endless notifications, mounting responsibilities, and constant screen time, it’s no wonder we feel frazzled and unfulfilled.
But what if this overwhelm isn’t just about being busy? What if it’s about losing touch with what truly matters—our focus, clarity, and sense of purpose?.
This article isn’t just about unplugging tips or quiet time activities (though you’ll find plenty of those). It’s about exploring why we’ve become so distracted and disconnected in the first place. Why does our attention feel scattered? And why is reclaiming it so crucial—not just for our productivity, but for our mental well-being, personal growth, and intentional living?
We’ll dig into these questions and look at how modern technologies, like the attention economy, have shaped our habits and choices. Along the way, you’ll discover practical strategies for managing your attention, reducing screen time, and embracing slow living. From mindfulness practices and nature connection to creative hobbies and self-reflection, these tools will help you find mental clarity and reconnect with the things that truly nourish you.
Let’s take a step back, reclaim our light, and rediscover the joy of missing out (JOMO), so we can step into a life of mindful, intentional living—one quiet moment at a time.
~ content of this post ~
Where did Living with a capital L go?
Do you know this feeling of being distracted in all directions while not much that has meaning for you is coming out of your hands?
I mean, you’re still a fully functioning person, and you’re keeping the show on the road, but there are other, deeper things that you are longing for – dreams, purpose, … things that give you a real sense of Living (with a capital L).
Maybe you’re not sure about what you really want. Or perhaps you’re looking for something to help stop that nagging feeling of time slipping away and not doing what you came here for…
On plenty of days, I wake up and think; today is going to be different. Today there will be space to do more of the things that matter, the things that make me feel alive. But often at the end of the day, I was too busy with other things, and it turned out to be “just another day” again…
Yesterday I decided to go out for a short walk and sit and write some things in my journal. While I sat in the grass under my favorite hornbeam tree I was thinking how it is just standing here and being… Rain or shine, summer or winter, sometimes giving me shade, at other time a shower of small yellow leaves.
After writing for a bit I was simply lying down and listening to the whistle of the wind through the grass. Maybe you can imagine that sound. It was so soothing and calming.
And then I realized it was first and foremost a deep calm and quiet that I was craving and missing.
Why do we often feel frazzled and unfulfilled?
I wanted to dive a little deeper and understand what it is that can make us feel so frazzled, and often unfulfilled.
So I picked up Johann Hari’s book titled “Stolen Focus – Why You Can’t Pay Attention and How to Think Deeply Again”. this book talks about what I could be experiencing: an overloaded brain… I have to admit I only read the last chapters, because ironically I didn’t want to overload my brain with more info than necessary right in that moment,but I was keen to see if there was something new and whether I would find any practical solutions and suggestions there.
One thing that really stood out to me was Johann Hari’s conversations with James Williams and his ideas about Spotlight, Daylight, and Starlight. James has been thinking deeply about attention for many years and even wrote a book about it. Together with a colleague, he started the Time Well Spent movement that’s been key in getting people to think and talk more about the ethics of technology and how it affects our focus, and what that means for us as individuals and for society.
When you feel frazzled and overwhelmed it’s easy to feel lost with no clear direction or goals.
The hidden battle for your Mind
Early in his career, James worked as a strategist at Google but later switched to studying philosophy to dive deeper into the question that mattered most to him: what is technology doing to us, and is it OK? One idea he explores is what he calls “intelligent persuasion” — the way digital technologies increasingly shape and steer our thoughts and actions. In today’s world, where information is everywhere, it’s our attention that has become the real prize (and price, because in a sense it’s what we pay with – our time and attention).
And in this “attention economy”, technologies often focus more on capturing and exploiting our focus than helping us achieve the things that truly matter in our lives.
In his book, Stand out of our Light, Freedom and Resistance in the Attention Economy, James explains that while it’s important to think about how we can make technology better serve us, those changes aren’t likely to happen quickly.
But there is plenty you can do to make sure you continue to be the master of your attention, and therefore your destiny!
In this article, we’ll explore why it has become so challenging to maintain your attention in today’s world, and why it’s more important than ever to take back control. Plus we’ll look at practical steps, practices and tips that can make it happen. The goal isn’t just to survive the distractions of modern life but to thrive in this world. And you can do that by choosing where your attention—and your energy—truly goes!
Attention for the Things that Matter
In order to do anything that matters, we must first be able to give attention to the things that matter.
Awareness of what’s going on is the first step, so you can take back control, and start doing the things in your days that help you stay in charge of the direction of your life.
Makes total sense, right?
But why is it so difficult then??
~ Information overload ~
One of the key things is that you’re overloaded with information. In the past, your daily dose of information might have been your neighbor dropping by with a bit of juicy gossip, or a postcard arriving in the mail. The pace was slow, the stories few, and there was plenty of time to digest it all.
Fast forward to today, and it’s like the entire neighborhood has moved into your living room, shouting updates all at once—while a relentless stream of emails, notifications, and news headlines floods your phone.
You’ve probably heard it before, but the average person nowadays processes as much information in a single day as people in the past might have encountered over weeks, if not months. It’s no wonder our brains feel overloaded!
Intelligent persuasion
The other thing to realize is that the moment you engage with technology, something subtle but powerful begins to happen—and it’s mostly unconscious. You might have a clear intention when you open your laptop or pick up your phone—maybe to reply to an email or check the weather—but there are other forces at play with very different goals for your time.
For these platforms, success isn’t about helping you achieve what you set out to do. Instead, it’s often measured by something they call “engagement” goals—things like keeping you scrolling, clicking, or tapping for as long as possible, or showing you as many ads and pages as they can.
That’s why you’ve probably had moments where you finally put your phone down and thought: “Wait, what was I supposed to be doing again?”, only to realize half an hour has passed, and what you actually wanted to do didn’t get done…
In the book, James Williams uses a brilliant metaphor: technology should act as the GPS for our lives, helping us figure out where we want to go and guiding us there efficiently. But imagine if your actual GPS started leading you to the wrong destinations or intentionally misdirected you for its own benefit—you’d get rid of it immediately, right? Still, we tolerate this kind of behavior daily from our informational technologies, which often prioritize keeping us distracted over helping us achieve our true goals.
Billions of dollars are spent designing technologies that manipulate what we look at, what we buy, and what we care about—appealing to our impulses instead of our intentions. To compete for our attention, these platforms exploit our psychological biases, like FOMO (fear of missing out) and social comparison. As Tristan Harris (who used to work in Google’s Ethics department) puts it, it’s a “race to the bottom of the brainstem,” preying on our most primal vulnerabilities to keep us hooked.
What this means for you is that you need to be very mindful about what information you consume, so that you can be in charge of your intention, your life energy, of your “light”.
James Williamson uses another beautiful metaphore to explore what kinds of light or attention you need to be the captain of your own ship…
Intelligent persuasion in app design makes it easy to lose a lot of time to scrolling.
Your Spotlight, Starlight & Daylight
You can think of your attention as three types of light—Spotlight, Starlight, and Daylight. Each type plays a unique role in guiding you through life, and helping you stay on course and connected to the things that truly matter to you.
1. Your Spotlight: Your Immediate Focus
Think of a spotlight on a stage—it lights up what’s right in front of you. This is the type of attention you use for small, everyday tasks that need to be done now. It’s practical and focused on the present moment.
An example:
- You’re making a cup of coffee. Your focus is on measuring the coffee, boiling the water, and pouring it carefully.
- Or, you’re walking into a room to grab your car keys. Spotlight helps you stay focused on the task at hand so you don’t forget why you’re there!
2. Your Starlight: Your Long-Term Goals
Starlight is like the stars in the night sky—they guide you toward where you want to go in life. It’s about your bigger dreams, ambitions, or plans that take time to achieve.
For example:
- You’ve always wanted to start your own small business, like a bakery or a creative studio. Starlight helps you stay focused on that dream even when life gets busy.
- Planning a big move or saving for a dream vacation? Starlight keeps you motivated and reminds you of why you’re working hard today.
3. Your Daylight: Your Clarity and Direction
Daylight is the soft, natural light that lets you see everything clearly. It’s what helps you understand what really matters to you. It’s about the quiet, reflective moments when you figure out what you want in life and why you want it. Without daylight, it’s easy to feel lost or unsure of what’s truly important.
Examples:
- You’re feeling stuck and unsure about your next steps in life. You take a quiet walk in nature or sit by yourself journaling. In that peaceful moment, you realize that what you really crave isn’t more success—it’s more time with loved ones.
- You’ve been juggling so many goals, but after some reflection, you realize that learning a new skill (like painting or playing guitar) is what excites you most right now.
How They Work Together
Imagine you’re on a road trip:
- Spotlight is the car’s headlights—it helps you navigate the road right in front of you, like taking the next turn or stopping for gas.
- Starlight is your map—it reminds you of your destination and keeps you on course.
- Daylight is the clear sky that lets you see the entire landscape, helping you decide if this is even the right road to take in the first place.
It seems to me that Brooke McAlary captures the feeling of losing touch with our daylight and starlight beautifully in her book Slow: Simple Living for a Frantic World when she writes this:
brooke mcalary
You need all three types of light – Spotlight, Starlight and Daylight – to be able to be the master of your own destiny.
Why all the types of light matter
In today’s busy world, it’s easy to get stuck in “spotlight mode,” constantly focusing on small, immediate tasks. Without enough daylight (quiet time for reflection), we lose sight of our starlight (our bigger dreams). That’s why carving out moments for quiet is so important—it helps you find clarity and stay connected to your true self.
James Williamson says it clearly and beautifully:
“What do you pay when you pay attention? You pay with all the things you could have attended to, but didn’t: all the goals you didn’t pursue, all the actions you didn’t take, and all the possible yous you could have been, had you attended to those other things. Attention is paid in possible futures forgone. We pay attention with the lives we might have lived.”
james williamson
You pay for scrolling Instagram late into the night with the restful sleep your body desperately needed.
You pay for getting lost in a news rabbit hole with the relaxing walk you could have taken to clear your mind.
You pay for checking emails during dinner with the laughter and connection you missed sharing with your family.
And you pay for indulging in that endless stream of notifications with the focus and peace of mind they quietly stole from you—along with the answers and clarity that might have emerged in those quiet moments.
What Quiet Moments away from screens give you
Stepping away from the digital world and reducing your screen time offers something rare and deeply valuable: space. It’s in these quiet moments that two essential things can happen—reflection and leisure—both of which play a key role in helping us with intentional living and creativity.
Next to that, a third thing, something magical called “diffuse thinking”, can also happen during these quiet moments. So how do these three things work together in harmony to help you get the most out of your beautiful, precious life?
1. Reflection: Time to Ask “What Do I Really Want?”
Reflection is what allows us to pause and turn inward, to check in with ourselves and ask the big questions: What matters to me? Am I heading in the direction I want to go? Without these moments, it’s easy to get swept up in the noise of daily life or, worse, the goals that others set for us.
But reflection doesn’t happen automatically—it needs mental space. When we’re constantly checking our phones, swiping through notifications, or responding to emails, we fill up those small gaps in our day that could otherwise allow us to recalibrate. The simple mindful act of stepping back, even for a few minutes, creates room for clarity to emerge.
2. Leisure: The Power of Unstructured Time
Leisure isn’t just about entertainment or “killing time.” True leisure is about being, not doing. It’s the unstructured moments—walking aimlessly, sitting quietly, or staring out the window—that give your mind the freedom to wander and explore.
This kind of downtime is essential. It’s in these moments of “periodic nonthought,” as Aristotle called it, that your inner self bubbles to the surface. Without the constant demands of work, notifications, or endless streams of content, you can reconnect with yourself and what truly brings you joy and meaning. It can give you the mental clarity that you’re missing.
3. Diffuse Thinking: When Ideas Land
Quiet moments aren’t just restful—they’re fertile ground for creativity. This is where diffuse thinking comes in, a natural complement to reflection and leisure. While focused thinking happens when we actively work on a task, diffuse thinking is what takes over when we let our minds roam.
You’ve likely experienced this before: you step away from your desk to fold laundry or take a walk, and suddenly, the solution to a problem or a brilliant idea pops into your head. These moments of insight happen because your brain, free from immediate demands, is connecting ideas in the background.
Taking breaks creates space for inspiration, ideas and clarity to arise.
Why magic happens when you do something else …
Mental Relaxation Unlocks Creativity
When you stop actively thinking about a problem, your brain gets a chance to step back and see the bigger picture. It’s like letting the pieces of a puzzle fall into place on their own.
Subconscious Processing
Your subconscious mind keeps working on the task even when you’re not consciously focused on it. This is why solutions or perfectly worded sentences seem to “magically” appear when you’re on a walk or doing dishes.
Physical Movement Stimulates Thinking
Activities like walking or light chores increase blood flow to your brain, which can enhance problem-solving and creative thinking.
Switching Tasks Reduces Mental Block
When you hit a wall during focused work, your brain can get stuck in a loop. Switching to a low-pressure activity helps break that cycle and opens up fresh perspectives.
There’s something uniquely grounding about working with your hands—whether it’s crafting, gardening, painting, or baking. These “real-life” creative activities aren’t just enjoyable; they give your mind a chance to relax and recharge while creating space for ideas, inner wisdom, and insights to gently float to the surface. They are a key ingredient of slow living, and a more intentional and mindful lifestyle.
Practical tips for reclaiming your quiet and attention
Now that we’ve explored the problem and understand why it matters where we allow our attention to go, let’s focus on solutions. Here are some specific and practical steps you can take to reclaim your attention and direct it toward what truly matters to you. These are quiet time activities, and other steps you can take to help you reduce your screen time. They are key ingredients of a slower and more fulfilling life where you are moving towards your goals and dreams.
#1 – Set Boundaries with Technology
Take back control and be the captain of your life by being mindful about choosing what you let in, and when. Often a few small but intentional choices can make a big difference in how focused and empowered you feel every day…
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- Turn Off Notifications: Stop letting apps dictate your focus. Only allow notifications from essential apps.
- Schedule Screen-Free Time: Make certain hours tech-free time (for example after dinner or early mornings) to reconnect with yourself and your loved ones.
- Declutter Your Digital Space: Unfollow accounts or delete apps that don’t add value to your life. Keep your digital space intentional.
#2 – Practice Intentional Focus
When you’re deliberate in what you do, you get more done while staying present. These intentional practices can help you stay centered and productive.
- Single-Task: Instead of multitasking, fully engage in one activity at a time. You’ll get more done with less energy.
- Use Time Blocks: Set aside specific chunks of time for deep work or personal projects, free from distractions. I personally use 45 minute blocks for laptop work. When time’s up I take a break away from my screen. I fold some laundry, do a bit of weeding in the garden, or embroider a few stitches, to give my mind and eyes a rest.
- Create a Focus Ritual: Light a candle, play soft music, or take a deep breath to signal your brain it’s time to focus.
#3 – Reconnect with Nature
Nature can be very soothing and healing, and personally I love spending time outdoors. It really calms me and allows space for me to reflect and let my creativity flow.
- Take Daily Walks: Even a short walk outdoors can clear your mind and restore your energy. Try to go alone, so you don’t end up having intense conversations about work or life with someone, and still not getting the mental break you need. If your mind wanders to problems, try to bring your focus back to the living things around you so you are truly present and taking a break. Tip: personally I like to take a notebook because I often get ideas and insights, and quickly jotting them down allows me to catch them, and then come back to the present once more!
- Create a Quiet Space Outside: Find a spot under a tree, near a park, or in your backyard to unplug and just “be.”
- Listen to Natural Sounds: Close your eyes and tune into the wind, birds, or rustling leaves—it’s surprisingly energizing.
Nature helps you quickly recharge and reset your energy.
#4 – Nourish Your Inner Life
I believe that making space for things that help you connect with your inner self are so important. These moments of stillness and introspection can help you unwind and nurture your mental well-being.
- Journal Regularly: Reflect on what’s draining, but also what’s replenishing your energy. Through journaling you can get more clarity on what is most important for you. Journaling prompts can help you go deeper.
- Explore Creative Outlets: Paint, write, garden, or cook—not for productivity but as a form of mindfulness and relaxation.
- Read or Meditate: Focus on practices that bring stillness and introspection. Things like reading, meditation, listening to calm music,etc.
#5 – Declutter Your Commitments
Simplifying your commitments creates space for what truly nourishes you. I’m still learning, but I find that saying yes only to what aligns with my values and goals, and letting go of the rest, can be very liberating.
- Learn to Say No: Don’t spread your energy too thinly by saying yes to everything. Let go of the fear of missing out (FOMO) and embrace the Joy of Missing Out (JOMO). It can be really liberating to have the freedom to focus on what truly matters to you personally, and simply leaving the rest behind.
- Prioritize What Matters: Spend time on relationships, projects, and activities that truly nourish you.
- Do a Life Audit: Reflect on where your energy goes and ask, “Is this serving my bigger purpose?”
#6 – Protect Your Energy from Manipulation
Your energy is precious, and so you want to safeguard it. Every choice you make either drains or renews your energy, so choose wisely where you direct it.
- Recognize Digital Traps: Be mindful of how platforms like social media and endless news feeds are designed to keep you hooked. Once you know this is a thing, you’ll notice it more and more. Choose wisely.
- Limit Mindless Consumption: Replace doom-scrolling or binge-watching with intentional activities that recharge you.
- Be Critical of Influences: Ask, “Is this content guiding me toward my goals or away from them?” “Does this make me feel good?”
#7 – Create an Environment That Supports You
The space around you plays a role in how balanced you feel. You can design your surroundings to support your goals and elevate your spirit.
- Design a Peaceful Space: Surround yourself with calming colors, minimal clutter, and objects that inspire you.
- Set Up “Energy Anchors”: Place reminders (like a journal or noise-canceling headphones) in visible spots to help you stay mindful of your energy.
- Use Light and Sound: Natural light, candles, or soothing sounds can create a space that feels energizing rather than draining.
Creating a calm and soothing space can help you rebalance and focus on what lights you up.
#8 – Reclaim Attention Through Small Choices
Small habits can create a rhythm that helps you honor the things that truly matter to you. With regular mindful rituals you can stay centered and set a positive tone for your whole day.
- Start Your Day Intentionally: Instead of diving straight into emails or social media, take some time (perhaps 10 minutes) to reflect on your goals for the day.
- Pause and Check In: When you feel overwhelmed, pause, take one deep breath, and ask yourself, “Where is my attention going right now? Is this where I want my energy to flow?”
- End Your Day Reflectively: Write down three things you did that aligned with your goals or brought you joy. You can also try Gratitude journaling.
Conclusion: Cherish your Life Energy
Your attention is very valuable. Because it is more than just what you focus on—it’s your life energy. Every moment you spend distracted or scattered is energy that’s slipping away from the things that truly matter. But when you reclaim your attention, you reclaim that energy. You direct it back to what nourishes you, what inspires you, and what brings you closer to the life you want to live.
On top of that, we’ll need our attention if we want to solve today’s problems together, so reclaiming our quiet and our attention is not only something we do for ourselves, it is something we do for the world as well!
I hope these insights and tips will help you create a fulfilling, connected and joyful life.
If you have any thoughts, tips or feedback, let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!
Warm wishes,
Hi there,
I'm Helena!
Fifteen years ago I quit my job to move to a small village in wild Eastern Europe, to create a slower intentional life, close to nature with my heart as my compass. Through my work as a graphic & web designer and through my passion for writing I help women all over the world create their life and business from their heart. I write about slow mindful living, the simple pleasures, authentic soulful business, and a sprinkling of exploring the big questions in life.
I hope that what you find here will spark & inspire your dream!
Curious about my website work? Have a peek at Websites with a Heart
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